Saturday 15 May 2010

Breathing Again


Well, I've been through nearly 3 weeks of emotional sadness and I'm finally out of it. My students like to call it being 'emo' but really, there's no such word for it . Sure, I got a bit wet drowning in all that melancholic wave but things will dry up pretty soon.

I didn't see it coming at first. I was fine, going about my life as usual... but I was suddenly hit by unexpected moments of new-found love and renewed love in many of my students' lives. I found myself surrounded by 'love is in the air' feelings all around me but I wasn't able to breathe-in any of it.

Sure, I was happy for all my students who were now happily holding hands with their 'Mr Right' or Ms Right' but it also made me very conscious of the fact that my own love was nowhere to be found. So, I started reminiscing of my happy days... the days when love was simple and sweet and there was only one true love I've ever known in my life and she was a million miles away. Naturally, my heart started leaning towards her again... but I only got crushed by the same hardened wall in her heart... and I know it's only because she truly loves me.

Love is a funny thing. She knows she's finally found someone who can make her laugh, who can understand her, respect her and cherish her but she denies herself the chance of this perfect love because she thinks she's not good for me. Well, that's what she thinks but I don't. I've always thought of her as the best. In fact, she still is... and probably will be until I find someone new who can make me feel love in the same way again.

Well, until that beautiful day finally arrives, I'm going to swim up to the surface and get out of the water because it's cold and wet and my body is getting numb. I want to be out of the water, forever if it's humanly possible and I want to stand on the edge of life and I'm not going to just stand there. No, I'm going to walk, I'm going to run, I'm going to jump and damn am I going to dance!