Feeling Loveless In A Week Of Love

The past week has been something of a blue week for me. I happened to catch an update on my ex-girlfriend's profile and clicked on it to find out more. What I saw pierced right through my heart.

As I looked through her engagement photos, something swelled up inside me. Suddenly, feelings that I thought were buried and long forgotten started reappearing. I never thought I'd feel pain like this again but I did and it hurt.

Our relationship back then should never have started. Not because she was not the right one for me. Rather, I was just wrong for her (or anyone for that matter). Having just returned from a difficult experience in the States, I was upset, angry and bitter. I just wasn't myself. Trust me, you wouldn't have wanted to be near me then. Unfortunately for her, since she was the closest person to me at that time, she clearly saw the ugly side of me and suffered. Even though it was so long ago, our friendship of 8 years has been permanently damaged, destroyed and beyond repair; all because of a relationship of 9 months. It's for this reason that I'll never forgive myself.

While trying to get over this terrible feeling, I had to emcee a wedding and attend another back to back. Needless to say, I couldn't help thinking about my own past love life in an environment where it's all about love. I also had the opportunity to meet with a former student during the week. Again, it was about love as we talked about her relationship with her boyfriend. I gave her my opinions, sharing from my own experience. As a friend, I try my best to advise my students in hope that they don't repeat the mistakes I made. I think it's the least I can do. Then, just a moment ago, another one of my students texted me, asking how he could go about wooing a girl. I smiled and replied it would be very difficult to advise him through the phone. We arranged to meet one of these days to talk about it. I'm always glad when my students seek me for advise other than studies. Afterall, life is so much more than just getting 'A's.

As I prepare to retreat to bed at this late hour, I can only look back at a week that's been so much about love but which has left me loveless. Well, at least I love my students and I guess they love me too.

I lay my heart down... and let it be washed over by a sea of love...