Life... As I Know It...

I've been having this on my mind for a couple of weeks. "To be or not to be, that is the question...". Just as Hamlet once said of his dilemma, so now am I, the Hamlet of the modern times.

I love my job. That says enough about why I do what I do and how I do what I do. I teach; but as any of my students will tell you, I teach different things, differently. Not all students can accept my method of teaching but those are the same students who do not realise the point of my teaching. Those are the same students who miss out on so much that I have to offer. The majority of my students who stay with me until they graduate, realise and understand the point of my teaching. These are the students who will later go on to college and university and thank me for preparing them for their future. And really, a simple, 'Thank You', is all I ever hope for.

Recently, I've been faced with a choice that has been unexpectedly set before me. It is a choice for me to widen my circle of students and to push myself even harder than I already am. As it is now, my schedule is almost full. I'm currently teaching 20 classes from Monday to Friday, from as early as 8:00am to the late hours of 10pm. Only Friday night gives me some much needed rest and time off for myself. Of course, there is also the weekend - a precious time for myself that I cherish so deeply. Well, it won't be the case anymore.

Ive always been proud to say, "I don't teach on Saturdays and Sundays. Those are my off days." Now, I might have to rephrase that to, "I don't teach on Sunday. That is my off day." The question that has been burning in my mind, has been whether I should take up the offer of teaching at a new place. This was the unexpected choice that presented itself before me. It was something I never thought about but in the circumstances that it has presented itself, I find myself considering something which I thought I would reject outright. Maybe I'm still considering to reject this offer... I don't know. That's why I'm still awake at this hour. I usually am awake at this hour but that is due to me being full of energy and happily commenting away on facebook. Nowadays, I find my energy escaping me. Where it is escaping to, I have no idea and I'm desperate to find it again.

Life, as it is for me now, is good. I'm busier than I used to be but I still have time for myself. I live an active life and most people are surprised to hear that. For most people, the sporting activities I do on a regular basis would seem almost impossible at the age I am and for the hours I work. The sad thing is, I used to do more than this. It used to be gym four times a week, futsal once a week, swimming twice a week, and Wing Chun once a week. Starting from next month, I fear it might turn into this instead - gym once a week, futsal once a week and Wing Chun once a week. That is far from what I would be satisfied doing for myself. I have personal targets to achieve and this new venture means I will have to give some of them up. And for who do I give up my personal goals? My students, that's who.

I don't have anyone else to love besides my family and friends, and so I love my students. I love them because I treat them as my friends. I only wish they would treat me the same. Recently, there have been a few times where I've lost my temper in class and if you know me, you would know that is something that doesn't happen. I used to joke that I would lose my temper once a year. Now, some unappreciative students are trying to break that record and some, unfortunately, have actually succeeded. I hate getting angry and I don't want to get angry - ever.

So there you have it. With my new classes adding onto my already full schedule and with students nowadays behaving worse than before, life... as I know it... is about to change... for better or worse? I'm praying desperately that it is the former.

No Joke

April Fool's Day is such a fun day. It's a day for watchful eyes and ears, quick hands and quick feet, and an even quicker mind. It's especially fun if you're still a student because of the numerous opportunities that being in a class of 30 can throw up on this 'dangerous' day. Well, I might not be a student anymore but I still get to be in a class of 30. One of the perks of being a teacher, I guess.

My 'dangerous' day started way earlier than expected. I got fooled soon after midnight on April 1st, by an innocent-looking girl on Facebook of all people. I now have serious doubts about innocent-looking girls who appear somewhat nerdy (in an adorable way) - Beware folks! They are not what they seem to be! ><

Aside from that minor 'casualty', I managed to start my day pretty well. My first class at 8am were ripe for the picking as blurry eyes and ears at such ungodly hours of study made for the perfect 'set-up'... or so I thought. Boy, were my 13-year-olds quick to lay the trap for me as soon as I stepped into class. Needless to say, I was well-prepared and did not fall for any of their 'amateurish' attempts. Forgive the egoistic remark but I do pride myself on being a 'professional prankster'. =p

One down, three to go, as my next class came thick and fast. 14-year-olds were just as easy to fool as their younger species. Again, no problem - piece of cake. I waited another two hours for my next class and I plotted my next scheme as I had lunch. I was even able to squeeze in a prank on an ex-student while at it. Damn, I'm good! Class number three came and again, my 15-year-olds were no match for me. Muahaha!

Finally, the last class of the day was in session and this would be the toughest of all targets - my 17-year-olds. Midway through the class, I tried my first prank... it failed. However, it just goes to show how good I am when I managed to immediately fool the student who'd just called my bluff. That was some bit of awesome recovery! I'm sure my entire class would agree. Hehehe!

To make the day even better, I had the good fortune of having dinner with my ex-student and it was great catching up on each other's lives. Just having dinner with someone these days is already a blessing, what more with a cherished ex-student of mine. It simply fills me with pride when I see my ex-students succeeding in life and pursuing their dreams. It kind of makes me feel like a dad, even though I've never been one before.

Then, as I was driving home, with a wonderful smile still etched on my face, my phone alerted me to a new text message received. When I read it, all my cheerful glee evaporated into thin air and a deeply disappointing cloud of emotions rained down on me. One of my favourite students told me that she had made the decision to stop coming to my class. She cited tiredness as her reason. I put away my phone, disbelief shaking my head, as yet another case of 'tiredness' or 'time clashes' robbed me of a student who always brought a smile to my heart. Someone who has a wonderful learning attitude and is a really nice person overall. Yes, these are the ones who are my favourite students - the ones who show a willing effort to learn and improve, the ones who are sincere about it. For me, straight A's mean nothing if you lack any of these attributes. I'd rather teach a student whose best effort results in C's but has the attributes I admire so much than a straight-A student who fails to display any of those attributes. This student was the third I've 'lost' this year due to 'tiredness' or 'time clashes' and it really bothers me that I can't do anything about it. I'm so frustrated! Argh! And at the same time, so sad...

I've always mentioned to my students that I disagree with the tuition scenario in our country. I know I sound like a hypocrite since I'm one of the participants in this scenario but I teach in tuition centers only because I disagree even more with our school scenario. I would love to teach in schools, if not for the restricting, suffocating and passion-killing nature of the job.

Teaching in tuition centers is the only way I can do what is right and best for my students. However, as hard as I try and as much as I give myself to this cause, there are forces beyond my control that leave me helpless to change things. I'm helpless to give my students the energy they need to attend the numerous tuition classes and I'm helpless to give my students financial assistance if that were ever their need. Yet, one lingering bitter after-taste remains... it is the bitter question that has long eaten into the core of my heart and all that I believe in. When there are so many classes that a student could give up, why do they give up mine? Why English? Why me?

As I drag myself into my room after a long fun-filled day, suddenly April Fool's Day doesn't seem so much fun anymore. No joke.