I guess I have to let everything go... the year is already past... but can I let it go? Can I let the old self go?
Inside... I'm curiously and reluctantly looking forward to 2009... and inside... something in me is still missing...
Wednesday 31 December 2008
So This Is It
And so it was... 2008 came and went. I went out to have a nice crab dinner with my heng tai and chi mui and then for some drinks at a pub. There was lots of laughter and fun and I was happy... but only on the outside. Inside, I was still carrying the burden of hurt, pain and regrets of the past year.
After all the celebration, are the glasses half-empty or half-full?
Monday 29 December 2008
Who Is This Man I've Become?
I've just returned from my Christmas holiday in Genting with my students and some of their friends. It was a fun-filled 3 days of playing games, swimming and lots of eating and more importantly, a time of discovery. As with every trip I go on, I always make it a point to learn something new which I can then share with my students. This trip however, will go down as one good lesson I learnt about myself.
Genting is known as the City of Entertainment but if you stray off the righteous path... it can turn out to be the City of Temptation. It's turned out to be the case for me so far. On two occasions where I was waiting by myself, I was approached by a man who would discreetly ask me, "yao chien hai shi xiao jie?". My first response is always, "No" but curiosity somehow gets the better of me and I find myself asking, "How much?". For a single guy who's way above the legal age, it would seem all right to "try" this experience (maybe just once?) Afterall, among most guys, this is just one of those things that a guy would do. The question I kept asking myself was, "Am I like most guys?".
As that question continued to play on my mind, I brought myself face to face with another temptation - the one that this mountain-top resort is famous for. Again, for most people, this is just one of those things that anyone above legal age would do. My beliefs strongly oppose this practice but events in my life have shaped and reshaped my views towards the many 'sins' in this world, turning some of them into 'probably acceptable'. Maybe my views are right, maybe they're wrong; or maybe they're neither. Afterall, most people would say it's nothing wrong. Again, the question played on my mind, "Am I like most people?"
After living through one-third of my life, I would think that I knew myself better...
Genting is known as the City of Entertainment but if you stray off the righteous path... it can turn out to be the City of Temptation. It's turned out to be the case for me so far. On two occasions where I was waiting by myself, I was approached by a man who would discreetly ask me, "yao chien hai shi xiao jie?". My first response is always, "No" but curiosity somehow gets the better of me and I find myself asking, "How much?". For a single guy who's way above the legal age, it would seem all right to "try" this experience (maybe just once?) Afterall, among most guys, this is just one of those things that a guy would do. The question I kept asking myself was, "Am I like most guys?".
As that question continued to play on my mind, I brought myself face to face with another temptation - the one that this mountain-top resort is famous for. Again, for most people, this is just one of those things that anyone above legal age would do. My beliefs strongly oppose this practice but events in my life have shaped and reshaped my views towards the many 'sins' in this world, turning some of them into 'probably acceptable'. Maybe my views are right, maybe they're wrong; or maybe they're neither. Afterall, most people would say it's nothing wrong. Again, the question played on my mind, "Am I like most people?"
After living through one-third of my life, I would think that I knew myself better...
Who is this man I see staring back at me?
Wednesday 24 December 2008
Ho... Ho... Ho...liday!
What a day it's been! First up was my Christmas Eve class - my first ever. In all my 5 years of teaching, I've never conducted a class on the eve of my favourite time of the year; not that I was complaining.
Look at all 'MY' presents! I wish - Haha!
Everyone's happy 'cause they had pizza. Poor souls - never seen pizza in their life. Haha!
Check out the butts on those! They were totally clueless. Haha!
The girls - an angel and a little 'devil'.
I decided to have the class do something meaningful on this special day. So, I let them assign themselves to different 'departments' to think up ideas for a charity fundraiser, to plan a day's activities at an orphanage and to stir up their creativie juices in creating posters and fliers. It was important to remember the gift of giving during Christmas and hopefully, we'll turn today's plan into reality next year.
After presenting their ideas to the class, the Domino's delivery man stepped right into our class with boxes of pizza stacked high. We wrapped up our discussion and laid out the 'yummies' on the table. I then played a slideshow of my Christmas memories with that new classic version of 'Christmas Don't Be Late' as we enjoyed our little pizza party.
After filling our tummies, we had what was the most meaningful part of the day. All of us sat around the table as we lined the presents along the grey surface. We each picked a tiny ball of paper with a number on it. Then, we took turns to take our present as we each said a few words of thanks. Some just said, "Thank you. Uhm... thank you. Thank you." Calling them 'shy' would be an understatement.
We then took photos as usual. I think this generation has something for taking lots of photos anytime and anywhere; something they call 'camwhoring' but I'm not complaining. Afterall, I'm just like them!
Look at all 'MY' presents! I wish - Haha!Everyone's happy 'cause they had pizza. Poor souls - never seen pizza in their life. Haha!
My Christmas presents - for real! The chocolates and cane candy are from my students. Sweet!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
After going home and being greeted by carollers, I took a shower to freshen up before going out again to fetch my students. The 4 of us were going for the Christmas countdown at Pyramid. Surprisingly, the roads were pretty much clear of traffic 'til we reached Sunway. Again, we were surprised to find parking in the carpark easier than we thought.
We headed down to meet our other friends on the walkway at the main entrance. It was packed like crazy and merry-makers were already chasing one another with spray cannisters, shooting away as noise and foam filled the night sky. It was like a war zone as we each armed ourselves with a minimum of 3 cans each. All night long, random groups attacked each other while I played bodyguard to some of my students. I tried my best to protect them but it was mission impossible as shots of foam showered upon us from every direction. It was messy but a lot of fun.
The next thing was figuring out when the cue for the countdown was going to come. A minute passed on my watch before we heard shouts of 10... 9... 8... from a distance and before we knew it, there were screams of 'Merry Christmas' all around.
The night continued 'til 12:30am before my students and I decided to head back home. I don't think we'll be together again this time of the year in 2009 but I'm not going to let that dampen my mood. We were happy together tonight and that's all that matters.
Check out the butts on those! They were totally clueless. Haha!
The guys - soaked from head to toe in all that soapy foam. Yummy!
The girls - an angel and a little 'devil'.
Friday 19 December 2008
Reunion: Part 3
Finally, it's done! Today, I got my 3rd group of students together for our reunion. The turnout, just as with previous groups, was not complete but we still managed to get half of the class together, so I was happy enough.
The girls and I doing the classic 'hand-on-cheek' pose (except for the one on the right)
As usual, I picked up a few of my students on the way to our destination while the rest would drive themselves there. That made things a lot easier for me and we were all pretty much on time, although the ones who were there earlier teasingly complained for my being a few minutes late. Well, I only had to show them the number of our friends I was fetching to keep them quiet. Haha!
There was lots of catching up to do and everyone was in a cheerful mood as a chance to meet up was definitely better than what most of them had been doing lately - staring at the tv, the computer and the bed. It seems life has been really boring for most of them, especially those who're not working. So, there was a real sense of excitement and enjoyment as we chatted over dinner and drinks.
We spent most of our time playing 'chor dai tee' where I taught them how to play the 'Loser' version, since there were more than 4 of us. They clearly enjoyed this fresh take on the age-old card game. I can't remember seeing them laughing so much and having such a good time, it only made me ever more eager to organise future gatherings.
Considering the depressed state I was in from last week, tonight certainly capped a wonderful turnaround in my mood. I know my students often say they can't thank me enough but the truth is, I can't thank them enough too.
The guys doing our 'looking-at-the-stars' pose (or is it just 'looking-left'?)
The girls and I doing the classic 'hand-on-cheek' pose (except for the one on the right)Thursday 18 December 2008
Reunion: Part 2
After having to cancel and reorganise the class reunion for my second group of students, I could be forgiven for wanting to cancel it for the second time. I thought this group would be the easiest to get together as there were only 8. However, nothing is ever simple in getting a whole class together in one spot; not when they don't need to come to my class anymore and a host of incidents turn into obstacles for just a one-day meeting.
So, it was just the lonely 2 students who joined me on our way to our karaoke session, where one more would join us much later. I was close to feeling depressed as the heavy rain stormed down upon us as I drove to Klang, growing fiercer all the time. It was as if the heavens were challenging my determination to see this reunion through.
In our K-room, I had a good 4 rounds of buffet dishes before we started warming up the mics. Then, as the night grew on, we found ourselves naturally having a good time. After our merry time of singing ended at 11pm, I drove us back to Kota Kemuning where we would meet with another one of our friends who couldn't make it due to work. All the way, it was non-stop singing in the car; as if our karaoke session never ended. Soon, the party became 5 as we paid a visit to another member of our group. She was the unfortunate victim of a daylight robbery incident the day before; one which robbed her of the chance to reunite with the group today. As soon as we sat down in her living room, things really started to pick up with crazy and funny antics forcing us to keep our voices down. A late night stop-over at McDonald's duly followed.
Sitting with them on those bright orange benches, chatting, joking and laughing over 4 large fries, it was like the good old days. It was a precious moment for us to savour, especially as some of them will be going away for National Service duty soon. By 1am we'd left our empty trays behind at McD's as I proceeded to send them home. As I said "good night" to the last one, a message popped up on my cell. It was from a student who I'd just sent home earlier,
"Thx a lot 4 2day ya.. ahmad! haha.. rly hv fun 2day.. when is d nx time huh? haha.. keep in touch la.. tk care"
I may have been a few dollars poorer after tonight but with gratitude like that, I feel like the richest guy on Earth!
So, it was just the lonely 2 students who joined me on our way to our karaoke session, where one more would join us much later. I was close to feeling depressed as the heavy rain stormed down upon us as I drove to Klang, growing fiercer all the time. It was as if the heavens were challenging my determination to see this reunion through.
In our K-room, I had a good 4 rounds of buffet dishes before we started warming up the mics. Then, as the night grew on, we found ourselves naturally having a good time. After our merry time of singing ended at 11pm, I drove us back to Kota Kemuning where we would meet with another one of our friends who couldn't make it due to work. All the way, it was non-stop singing in the car; as if our karaoke session never ended. Soon, the party became 5 as we paid a visit to another member of our group. She was the unfortunate victim of a daylight robbery incident the day before; one which robbed her of the chance to reunite with the group today. As soon as we sat down in her living room, things really started to pick up with crazy and funny antics forcing us to keep our voices down. A late night stop-over at McDonald's duly followed.
Sitting with them on those bright orange benches, chatting, joking and laughing over 4 large fries, it was like the good old days. It was a precious moment for us to savour, especially as some of them will be going away for National Service duty soon. By 1am we'd left our empty trays behind at McD's as I proceeded to send them home. As I said "good night" to the last one, a message popped up on my cell. It was from a student who I'd just sent home earlier,
"Thx a lot 4 2day ya.. ahmad! haha.. rly hv fun 2day.. when is d nx time huh? haha.. keep in touch la.. tk care"
I may have been a few dollars poorer after tonight but with gratitude like that, I feel like the richest guy on Earth!
Monday 15 December 2008
A Day of Elegance
It was the perfect cure to my recent blues - a day out with my students!
The smart gentlemen in formal attire. 
The lovely ladies in elegant evening wear.
I'd promised my graduated class of '08 that I'd take them out for the orchestra after SPM. Well, I fulfilled it on Sunday. It's been hard to get everyone together these days. Everyone's got their own plans and obstacles, so to get almost half the class together must be good. Of course I'm disappointed the rest couldn't make it but I'd rather focus on the positive things in life.
Getting there wasn't easy. There was heavy traffic and heavy rain. Even the KLCC car park was closed as it was full. Consider it being a Sunday, the sales, Christmas shopping and the last day of PC Fair and you'll understand why.
We managed to park our cars across KLCC Park and made it just in time for the concert. There was an adrenaline rush as we stepped into the beautifully illuminated orchestral hall. I guess it's usually the case when you're anticipating something new. The musicians looked elegant in their black suits and gowns and as the conductor appeared to enthusiastic applause, I sank stiffly into my chair. It was an absorbing experience and it made me recall the last and only time I was there, back when I was still in Taylor's. It was so long ago that I can't remember when I had to sit so still and so quietly for so long. My students clearly found it difficult to conform to such a disciplined environment. They're so used to fidgeting and making noise in class I guess you could say the adjustment was almost torturous for them!
Hearing their opinions after the 2 hour concert, it clearly showed they'd experienced something different from their usual outings. I hope this experience will encourage them to open their senses to new discoveries. Life's boring if it becomes routine. We should always give ourselves a chance to explore new things (well, as long as it's beneficial and legal!).
We ended a long day having pasta and some expensive window shopping at Pavilion; not to mention, meeting my 'Angel'! By the time I sent everyone in my car home, it was close to 10pm. Once I reached home, I sat in the darkness in my car. Feeling tired and sleepy, I could still hear the music lingering in my ears. I smiled a contented smile. I guess no matter what I face in life, I'll be all right as long as I have my students by my side.
The smart gentlemen in formal attire.The lovely ladies in elegant evening wear.Saturday 13 December 2008
Feeling Loveless In A Week Of Love
The past week has been something of a blue week for me. I happened to catch an update on my ex-girlfriend's profile and clicked on it to find out more. What I saw pierced right through my heart.
As I looked through her engagement photos, something swelled up inside me. Suddenly, feelings that I thought were buried and long forgotten started reappearing. I never thought I'd feel pain like this again but I did and it hurt.
Our relationship back then should never have started. Not because she was not the right one for me. Rather, I was just wrong for her (or anyone for that matter). Having just returned from a difficult experience in the States, I was upset, angry and bitter. I just wasn't myself. Trust me, you wouldn't have wanted to be near me then. Unfortunately for her, since she was the closest person to me at that time, she clearly saw the ugly side of me and suffered. Even though it was so long ago, our friendship of 8 years has been permanently damaged, destroyed and beyond repair; all because of a relationship of 9 months. It's for this reason that I'll never forgive myself.
While trying to get over this terrible feeling, I had to emcee a wedding and attend another back to back. Needless to say, I couldn't help thinking about my own past love life in an environment where it's all about love. I also had the opportunity to meet with a former student during the week. Again, it was about love as we talked about her relationship with her boyfriend. I gave her my opinions, sharing from my own experience. As a friend, I try my best to advise my students in hope that they don't repeat the mistakes I made. I think it's the least I can do. Then, just a moment ago, another one of my students texted me, asking how he could go about wooing a girl. I smiled and replied it would be very difficult to advise him through the phone. We arranged to meet one of these days to talk about it. I'm always glad when my students seek me for advise other than studies. Afterall, life is so much more than just getting 'A's.
As I prepare to retreat to bed at this late hour, I can only look back at a week that's been so much about love but which has left me loveless. Well, at least I love my students and I guess they love me too.
I lay my heart down... and let it be washed over by a sea of love...
As I looked through her engagement photos, something swelled up inside me. Suddenly, feelings that I thought were buried and long forgotten started reappearing. I never thought I'd feel pain like this again but I did and it hurt.
Our relationship back then should never have started. Not because she was not the right one for me. Rather, I was just wrong for her (or anyone for that matter). Having just returned from a difficult experience in the States, I was upset, angry and bitter. I just wasn't myself. Trust me, you wouldn't have wanted to be near me then. Unfortunately for her, since she was the closest person to me at that time, she clearly saw the ugly side of me and suffered. Even though it was so long ago, our friendship of 8 years has been permanently damaged, destroyed and beyond repair; all because of a relationship of 9 months. It's for this reason that I'll never forgive myself.
While trying to get over this terrible feeling, I had to emcee a wedding and attend another back to back. Needless to say, I couldn't help thinking about my own past love life in an environment where it's all about love. I also had the opportunity to meet with a former student during the week. Again, it was about love as we talked about her relationship with her boyfriend. I gave her my opinions, sharing from my own experience. As a friend, I try my best to advise my students in hope that they don't repeat the mistakes I made. I think it's the least I can do. Then, just a moment ago, another one of my students texted me, asking how he could go about wooing a girl. I smiled and replied it would be very difficult to advise him through the phone. We arranged to meet one of these days to talk about it. I'm always glad when my students seek me for advise other than studies. Afterall, life is so much more than just getting 'A's.
As I prepare to retreat to bed at this late hour, I can only look back at a week that's been so much about love but which has left me loveless. Well, at least I love my students and I guess they love me too.
I lay my heart down... and let it be washed over by a sea of love...
Tuesday 9 December 2008
Foot Balls!
I started playing football regularly when I went to US. Funny huh? When I was in Malaysia, I didn't really play much although I was an avid fan. But when I got to America, a country where football is a sport in which you wear a full-head helmet and shoulder pads and charge your way through the field with the ball in your hand, I rediscovered the joys of playing the beautiful game.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Ive continued playing futsal consistently back home ever since I returned. Come to think of it, it's been five years now since my high school friends and I started playing in that small futsal court in Teluk Pulai. These days, we play at the bigger and better turfed rubber grass courts in Pandamaran. Every Tuesday night, I would drive my heng tai and I to the court at 11pm and we would sweat it out and have a good laugh till 12.30am.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Recently, I've played in goal 'cause I've not been going to the gym. I'm not going to say I'm getting old and not as fit as I used to be. I've just not been going to the gym (trying to console myself here). Anyway, since I'm a fast runner on the pitch, I love attacking down the right wing but I've played in different positions before - central defence, right back, left back, central midfield; and somehow or rather, I keep getting hit in the balls! Whether it's a clearence shot, a shot at goal or a chip, the ball somehow ends up smack in between my balls. Man, I tell you, you don't know what pain is until you've been hit in the balls, that's all I can say.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Well, here's the funny thing - whenever I play in goal, I seem to get hit less often in the balls. In fact, I think it's happened only once or twice so far. Those of you guys who've played as a goal-keeper in futsal would know it's the most dangerous position to play in. Shots are flying everywhere, coming at you from right, left centre, top and bottom. I'm quite good in goal and so I manage to block most of the shots with my hands, legs, feet, chest and even my head. Well today, I topped all that. I blocked a goal-bound header with my balls! Enough said!
Well, this guy knows what it feels like! For some real Foot Balls action click on this link:Sunday 7 December 2008
Tagged Again!
I've never been tagged my whole life and now suddenly, I've got 2. Hmmm... let's see how this goes...
(Tagged by Bev)
1. What's your ambition?
To be Batman. But seriously, I just want to be the best teacher I can be.
2. Which is more important to you? : Friends/Boyfriend/Girlfriends
I've lived long enough to know that girlfriends will come and go but true friends will always be there. They are the one constant thing in my life.
3. How often do you think of committing suicide?
Siau ah!
4. Do you think you have enough confidence?
Come on, ask me another question :p
5. How many babies do you want?
Am I allowed to have babies? Well, if the question is when and IF I get married, how many babies would I want my wife to have, I'd say 2.
6. What is your goal for this year?
To work out and get fitter. I've achieved half of that so far.
7. Do you believe in eternal love?
I have my doubts about finding my own eternal love but I still believe it's out there somewhere; if I'm lucky enough to find it!
8. Do you want to change your real name?
From Caleb to what? Carrot? No thanks, I like my name the way it is.
9. What feeling do you love the most?
The feeling I get when I know the person holding my hand loves me for who I am; just the way I am. I've only come close to that feeling just once in my life but it was too short and I hope I get to feel it again.
10. What are your bad habits?
Does laughing too loud count?
11. Is there anything you want to tell people who hate you?
I ain't into hatin', I'm into lovin'.
12. Do you cherish every friendship you have?
Only the ones that matter to me. I can't choose my family but I can choose my friends.
13. What does flying mean to you?
Ah Ma! Ah Pa! Get me down from here!
14. Who do you love?
My family, my friends and my students.
15. Who do you hate?
Cristiano Ronaldo!
16. Describe the person who tagged you in nine words.
Cheerful, mature and beautiful inside out (and sometimes 'sampat'!) xp
17. What would you really like to do now?
Go clubbing at Quattro!
18. What will you be in the next ten years?
OMG... old!
19. Coffee or Tea?
Uhhh... no hot chocolate? Ok, Jasmine green tea then.
20. What are you wishing for right now?
More money so I can spend it on my students. Think I'll go sell some of my toenails. Freshly cut toenails anybody?
I tag: Vi Vian
(Tagged by Bev)
1. What's your ambition?
To be Batman. But seriously, I just want to be the best teacher I can be.
2. Which is more important to you? : Friends/Boyfriend/Girlfriends
I've lived long enough to know that girlfriends will come and go but true friends will always be there. They are the one constant thing in my life.
3. How often do you think of committing suicide?
Siau ah!
4. Do you think you have enough confidence?
Come on, ask me another question :p
5. How many babies do you want?
Am I allowed to have babies? Well, if the question is when and IF I get married, how many babies would I want my wife to have, I'd say 2.
6. What is your goal for this year?
To work out and get fitter. I've achieved half of that so far.
7. Do you believe in eternal love?
I have my doubts about finding my own eternal love but I still believe it's out there somewhere; if I'm lucky enough to find it!
8. Do you want to change your real name?
From Caleb to what? Carrot? No thanks, I like my name the way it is.
9. What feeling do you love the most?
The feeling I get when I know the person holding my hand loves me for who I am; just the way I am. I've only come close to that feeling just once in my life but it was too short and I hope I get to feel it again.
10. What are your bad habits?
Does laughing too loud count?
11. Is there anything you want to tell people who hate you?
I ain't into hatin', I'm into lovin'.
12. Do you cherish every friendship you have?
Only the ones that matter to me. I can't choose my family but I can choose my friends.
13. What does flying mean to you?
Ah Ma! Ah Pa! Get me down from here!
14. Who do you love?
My family, my friends and my students.
15. Who do you hate?
Cristiano Ronaldo!
16. Describe the person who tagged you in nine words.
Cheerful, mature and beautiful inside out (and sometimes 'sampat'!) xp
17. What would you really like to do now?
Go clubbing at Quattro!
18. What will you be in the next ten years?
OMG... old!
19. Coffee or Tea?
Uhhh... no hot chocolate? Ok, Jasmine green tea then.
20. What are you wishing for right now?
More money so I can spend it on my students. Think I'll go sell some of my toenails. Freshly cut toenails anybody?
I tag: Vi Vian
Friday 5 December 2008
Reunion: Part 1
Tonight was a good night. I finally had the chance to meet up with my graduated class again. Though only half the class managed to make it, it was good enough for me. Just seeing their faces again and being with them gave me such a lift! I was so excited about tonight, it was pretty much the only thing on my mind today.
We had a few drinks, played a few rounds of 'chor dai tee' and of course had a few silly laughs. While deep down I know things will never be the same again, at least I can hope that we'll continue to keep in touch and meet from time to time. In fact, we've already planned to meet again next week!
Being with them today, it really felt like we were a bunch of old friends. Slowly, I'm sensing that since I'm no longer their teacher, they're starting to treat me as a friend first and foremost, which is great!
As, I sent the last guy home, he turned round and said, "Thank you, Sir." I told him, "You don't have to call me that." but he said he'd gotten used to it. Well, I guess some things never change.
We had a few drinks, played a few rounds of 'chor dai tee' and of course had a few silly laughs. While deep down I know things will never be the same again, at least I can hope that we'll continue to keep in touch and meet from time to time. In fact, we've already planned to meet again next week!
Being with them today, it really felt like we were a bunch of old friends. Slowly, I'm sensing that since I'm no longer their teacher, they're starting to treat me as a friend first and foremost, which is great!
As, I sent the last guy home, he turned round and said, "Thank you, Sir." I told him, "You don't have to call me that." but he said he'd gotten used to it. Well, I guess some things never change.
The "Losers" table.
The "Winners" table.
Sunday 23 November 2008
My First Tag! Woohoo!
Ok, seriously, I don't know what this 'tag' thing is all about and when or how it started. I certainly never got 'tagged' during my school days. Anyway, I guess there's a first time for everything, so here goes...
I was tagged by:
Bev (having SPM but can still tag people) xp
I tag:
Steffi
1st: What's your name?
Caleb
2nd: How old are you?
Hahaha! More than 10,000 days old.
3rd: What are three electronic devices you can't live without?
Cellphone, computer & MP3 player
4th: Are you amazing?
Somebody thinks I am ;)
5th: What cellphone brand are you using?
Sony Ericsson
6th: What colour is your phone?
A clean glossy white. Cool man!
7th: Have you slept in school before?
I lost count.
8th: How long do you spend on the net each day?
About 4 hours on average.
9th: How would you describe yourself?
I'm patient, emo, optimistic, crazy & cool!
10th: What's your favourite topic to talk about?
Love
11th: Which teacher do you like?
Mr. Gerald, Ms. Juliana, Mrs. Parvinder, Ms. Bessie, Mr. Vijaya "The Great", the late Ms. Sujata, Mr. Corbet Hays & Dr. Tang. These are the teachers who've left a mark in my life. I'm the teacher I am today because of them. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
12th: Who do you think is the most handsome in your class?
What? You mean like in the classes I teach? Susah loh... I teach so many handsome dudes.
13th: Who are you currently aiming for?
Hebe. Haha! Kidding... No, seriously, Hebe.
14th: Do you know a lot of your sibling's secrets?
Uhm... not a lot... just some.
15th: How do you rate your sibling(s)?
On a scale of 1-10, my bro = 7, my sis = 9
16th: Is/Are your sibling(s) gorgeous?
Oh yeah! My bro has his fair share of female fans and my sis is a real sweetie (a bit crazy though!)
17th: Do you judge people?
I do... but I'm not sure if I'm always right.
18th: Do you run?
No, I crawl. What kind of question is this?
19th: Are you lazy to tag people?
This is my first time dude!
20th: Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone?
My 'heng tai', Wong.
21st: What's 2 + 2 > 4?
The total number of letters (two + two = 6 letters, which is > four = 4 letters) Smart leh? ;)
22nd: Who's your idol?
Fernando Torres
23rd: Are you a monster?
No, I'm human.
24th: Do you play with Barbie Dolls?
No, but I used to play 'masak-masak'. Haha!
25th: What was the last movie you watched?
Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa!
26th: What do you think about your English?
Can pass lah.
27th: What do you think about your Bahasa Malaysia?
Sudah koyak loh.
28th: Who do you hate?
Cristiano Ronaldo!
29th: Do you love yourself?
You gotta first love yourself before you can love others.
30th: Blurt out 5 random words
Ice-cream, Love, Memories, Missing, Someone
I was tagged by:
Bev (having SPM but can still tag people) xp
I tag:
Steffi
1st: What's your name?
Caleb
2nd: How old are you?
Hahaha! More than 10,000 days old.
3rd: What are three electronic devices you can't live without?
Cellphone, computer & MP3 player
4th: Are you amazing?
Somebody thinks I am ;)
5th: What cellphone brand are you using?
Sony Ericsson
6th: What colour is your phone?
A clean glossy white. Cool man!
7th: Have you slept in school before?
I lost count.
8th: How long do you spend on the net each day?
About 4 hours on average.
9th: How would you describe yourself?
I'm patient, emo, optimistic, crazy & cool!
10th: What's your favourite topic to talk about?
Love
11th: Which teacher do you like?
Mr. Gerald, Ms. Juliana, Mrs. Parvinder, Ms. Bessie, Mr. Vijaya "The Great", the late Ms. Sujata, Mr. Corbet Hays & Dr. Tang. These are the teachers who've left a mark in my life. I'm the teacher I am today because of them. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
12th: Who do you think is the most handsome in your class?
What? You mean like in the classes I teach? Susah loh... I teach so many handsome dudes.
13th: Who are you currently aiming for?
Hebe. Haha! Kidding... No, seriously, Hebe.
14th: Do you know a lot of your sibling's secrets?
Uhm... not a lot... just some.
15th: How do you rate your sibling(s)?
On a scale of 1-10, my bro = 7, my sis = 9
16th: Is/Are your sibling(s) gorgeous?
Oh yeah! My bro has his fair share of female fans and my sis is a real sweetie (a bit crazy though!)
17th: Do you judge people?
I do... but I'm not sure if I'm always right.
18th: Do you run?
No, I crawl. What kind of question is this?
19th: Are you lazy to tag people?
This is my first time dude!
20th: Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone?
My 'heng tai', Wong.
21st: What's 2 + 2 > 4?
The total number of letters (two + two = 6 letters, which is > four = 4 letters) Smart leh? ;)
22nd: Who's your idol?
Fernando Torres
23rd: Are you a monster?
No, I'm human.
24th: Do you play with Barbie Dolls?
No, but I used to play 'masak-masak'. Haha!
25th: What was the last movie you watched?
Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa!
26th: What do you think about your English?
Can pass lah.
27th: What do you think about your Bahasa Malaysia?
Sudah koyak loh.
28th: Who do you hate?
Cristiano Ronaldo!
29th: Do you love yourself?
You gotta first love yourself before you can love others.
30th: Blurt out 5 random words
Ice-cream, Love, Memories, Missing, Someone
Friday 21 November 2008
I Still Like To Move It Move It!
It's been a while since I've enjoyed a night out at the movies. The last movie I watched was High School Musical 3 and before that, it was The Mummy 3. That's a record for me considering I used to visit the cinema at least once a month. My hottest streak was when I went to the cinema 3 days in a row - alone! Those were crazy days when I was a college kid.
Nowadays, I would do anything except go to the movies alone. I may have enjoyed it back when I was a teen but now, the mere thought of it would be depressing enough to make me cry. So, I was really glad that I got to watch Madagascar 2 with my former student. It wasn't even planned! I had just called her up since we hadn't met for a long time. I try my best to keep in touch with all my former students and I'm glad my simple invitation for 'yum cha' turned into a wonderful night of laughs at the movies. For those who haven't seen it yet, go watch it! It's a fun-filled wild ride that'll have you laughing your socks off!
I get a little sad when I think about going to the movies. Simply 'cause it's getting harder for me these days. It's so much easier when you have a girlfriend; trust me! Not that I don't have friends but my friends are usually either busy, too tired or with their girlfriends. Sure we still catch the occasional blockbuster together in a group but not as often as we used to. It's one of the reasons why I emphasize the importance of cherishing one's youth to my students. The best time of our lives are when we are in school. College and university have their fair share of best days as well but I still feel that life as a young teen really tops it all!
As we grow older, we tend to see things differently. We also tend to behave differently. It's all right if we mature naturally but if we fall into the trap of adhering to society's norms, then that's not being mature. That's just being plain boring. I've said this before in my previous blog - I don't know what it means to act my age. I just act the way I feel inside; and inside this supposedly old body is a guy who's still young at heart and who definitely still likes to move it move it!
Man, I love those penguins! Haha!
Nowadays, I would do anything except go to the movies alone. I may have enjoyed it back when I was a teen but now, the mere thought of it would be depressing enough to make me cry. So, I was really glad that I got to watch Madagascar 2 with my former student. It wasn't even planned! I had just called her up since we hadn't met for a long time. I try my best to keep in touch with all my former students and I'm glad my simple invitation for 'yum cha' turned into a wonderful night of laughs at the movies. For those who haven't seen it yet, go watch it! It's a fun-filled wild ride that'll have you laughing your socks off!
I get a little sad when I think about going to the movies. Simply 'cause it's getting harder for me these days. It's so much easier when you have a girlfriend; trust me! Not that I don't have friends but my friends are usually either busy, too tired or with their girlfriends. Sure we still catch the occasional blockbuster together in a group but not as often as we used to. It's one of the reasons why I emphasize the importance of cherishing one's youth to my students. The best time of our lives are when we are in school. College and university have their fair share of best days as well but I still feel that life as a young teen really tops it all!
As we grow older, we tend to see things differently. We also tend to behave differently. It's all right if we mature naturally but if we fall into the trap of adhering to society's norms, then that's not being mature. That's just being plain boring. I've said this before in my previous blog - I don't know what it means to act my age. I just act the way I feel inside; and inside this supposedly old body is a guy who's still young at heart and who definitely still likes to move it move it!
Man, I love those penguins! Haha!
Wednesday 19 November 2008
You Never Know
It's been surprising to hear from some of my friends that they are loyal fans of my blog. Seriously, I didn't think many people read, much less follow my blog.
A blog is like a diary but while a diary will forever remain private to the writer alone, a blog is hardly private. In fact, there's zero privacy as any Ali, Ah Chong and Muthu can read your thoughts! That's the reason why I'm personal and sincere in my blog yet I don't reveal too many details. In a way, only those who know me personally or are one of those mentioned in the blog would know what it's about.
I used to be religious in writing diaries. I started in secondary school and only stopped writing once i started my college days. Even then, I had English teachers who encouraged me to write diaries in class as homework; something I've learnt to apply in my classes as well.
Some students have jokingly accused me of knowing everyone's secrets. My students are free to write on anything they wish, so it's untrue to say I'm forcing them to reveal their thoughts in any way. I feel honoured whenever my students share something with me. To me, it means that they must trust me to tell me these things. So, I'm very strict with their privacy. Afterall, trust is not something that can be asked for, it must be gained.
To me, my blog is my way of sharing my personal life with my students. While it often acts as an outlet for me to express my joys and sorrows, the reason of this blog's existence will always be because of my students. It's my way of saying, "thank you for sharing."
To all those who faithfully follow my blog, I really appreciate the time you take to do so. I'm really honoured. Thank you!
Hmm... now where should I hold my autograph-signing session?
A blog is like a diary but while a diary will forever remain private to the writer alone, a blog is hardly private. In fact, there's zero privacy as any Ali, Ah Chong and Muthu can read your thoughts! That's the reason why I'm personal and sincere in my blog yet I don't reveal too many details. In a way, only those who know me personally or are one of those mentioned in the blog would know what it's about.
I used to be religious in writing diaries. I started in secondary school and only stopped writing once i started my college days. Even then, I had English teachers who encouraged me to write diaries in class as homework; something I've learnt to apply in my classes as well.
Some students have jokingly accused me of knowing everyone's secrets. My students are free to write on anything they wish, so it's untrue to say I'm forcing them to reveal their thoughts in any way. I feel honoured whenever my students share something with me. To me, it means that they must trust me to tell me these things. So, I'm very strict with their privacy. Afterall, trust is not something that can be asked for, it must be gained.
To me, my blog is my way of sharing my personal life with my students. While it often acts as an outlet for me to express my joys and sorrows, the reason of this blog's existence will always be because of my students. It's my way of saying, "thank you for sharing."
To all those who faithfully follow my blog, I really appreciate the time you take to do so. I'm really honoured. Thank you!
Hmm... now where should I hold my autograph-signing session?
Monday 17 November 2008
Going Off-Key Is Cool!
I was glad today came soon enough. After having to cancel our original outing last week, I couldn't wait for November to turn 17. I never like to have my students think that I only say I would take them out and then not do it. So today, I delivered my promise.
My students joked that people would think I was a dad bringing his 4 kids out shopping! I told them, if that were true, then people might also think I have 4 wives 'cause all my kids look so different!
We met up with another 1 of my students who was already there singing away with his cousins. After a while of waiting, our room was ready. Not long after entering, we were back outside looting the snacks counter, taking all 6 varieties with us and filling up our glasses while at it. Once we started our K-session, it was non-stop singing and laughter 'til they chased us out at 5:30. One moment which had us all in stitches was when one of my students went off-key in the funniest way you can imagine. He was a good sport and continued singing nevertheless.
We ended our outing with McD's sundae cones and I took them back to the centre to start our lesson for the day. It was group project day and most of them participated well. After having so much fun earlier, it was important to give them the right activity or else they might lose interest. The most important thing was that they had fun while learning. Then again, don't they always?
My student's masterpiece. Judging by this, he's well on his way to becoming an architect!
My students joked that people would think I was a dad bringing his 4 kids out shopping! I told them, if that were true, then people might also think I have 4 wives 'cause all my kids look so different!
We met up with another 1 of my students who was already there singing away with his cousins. After a while of waiting, our room was ready. Not long after entering, we were back outside looting the snacks counter, taking all 6 varieties with us and filling up our glasses while at it. Once we started our K-session, it was non-stop singing and laughter 'til they chased us out at 5:30. One moment which had us all in stitches was when one of my students went off-key in the funniest way you can imagine. He was a good sport and continued singing nevertheless.
We ended our outing with McD's sundae cones and I took them back to the centre to start our lesson for the day. It was group project day and most of them participated well. After having so much fun earlier, it was important to give them the right activity or else they might lose interest. The most important thing was that they had fun while learning. Then again, don't they always?
My student's masterpiece. Judging by this, he's well on his way to becoming an architect!
Wednesday 12 November 2008
Reunion
It's been a week since I last saw my students and I was nervous as much as excited to see them again today. Considering the circumstances I was meeting them again, it was perfectly understandable.
Today's reunion was not one where we sat at a cafe and laughed about the 'good ol days' . It was a brief, tense and rushed meeting at the school canteen minutes in between their SPM English papers. Most people were amazed I was even there at all; and that includes me. I've never done anything like this before. Then again, I've never met students like these before.
At 7:40 in the morning, I found myself waking up to a phone call from one of them asking for advice. Those who know me would go "What?". Quite simply, I'm impossible to wake up when I'm asleep. So, actually responding to my phone ringing early in the morning is quite an amazing feat! I was more than happy to pick up the phone and happier still knowing that I played my part for them.
By 9:45 I was at my student's school helping him go through his literature and barely 10 minutes later, off I dashed to a nearby school where the rest of my students were. Time was in such short supply and I had to quickly say my "Hi"s, go through the paper with them and just as quickly say my "Bye"s.
Barely an hour back home, I was on my way to their school again to find out how they answered the paper. It's a good thing I live so near to their school though I wish I could have been at my other students' schools as well. Then again, teleporting isn't one of my abilities.
Our second meeting lasted longer and was less tense in nature, which allowed me to speak to them one by one. I was so happy to see their smiling faces as most of them were confident they had done well. I can only pray their confidence is merited.
As I walked down the slope towards the school gate, I wonder how much I was really able to help them. I guess even if I didn't, at least my presence would have meant something to them; and that, is all the comfort I'll ever need.
Today's reunion was not one where we sat at a cafe and laughed about the 'good ol days' . It was a brief, tense and rushed meeting at the school canteen minutes in between their SPM English papers. Most people were amazed I was even there at all; and that includes me. I've never done anything like this before. Then again, I've never met students like these before.
At 7:40 in the morning, I found myself waking up to a phone call from one of them asking for advice. Those who know me would go "What?". Quite simply, I'm impossible to wake up when I'm asleep. So, actually responding to my phone ringing early in the morning is quite an amazing feat! I was more than happy to pick up the phone and happier still knowing that I played my part for them.
By 9:45 I was at my student's school helping him go through his literature and barely 10 minutes later, off I dashed to a nearby school where the rest of my students were. Time was in such short supply and I had to quickly say my "Hi"s, go through the paper with them and just as quickly say my "Bye"s.
Barely an hour back home, I was on my way to their school again to find out how they answered the paper. It's a good thing I live so near to their school though I wish I could have been at my other students' schools as well. Then again, teleporting isn't one of my abilities.
Our second meeting lasted longer and was less tense in nature, which allowed me to speak to them one by one. I was so happy to see their smiling faces as most of them were confident they had done well. I can only pray their confidence is merited.
As I walked down the slope towards the school gate, I wonder how much I was really able to help them. I guess even if I didn't, at least my presence would have meant something to them; and that, is all the comfort I'll ever need.
Sunday 9 November 2008
Vrooommm!!!
Ever been to a race event? Not talking about F1 or one of those illegal street races. I'm talking about one where you use your own car and punish it by slamming the accelerator pedal and speed, drift (or fail trying to) and skid around an obstacle-fitted carpark. Well, today was one such day.
The consolation prize for my 'Do the Joget with Pennzoil' act
It was something new to me and certainly to the person I was there to show my support for -my student! He was there on his own and rightly so, seeing that SPM is just 2 days away! Anyway, I just did what I could as a friend, even if I didn't really do much by standing there with an umbrella and a camera while my student flung his orange Kancil around the rain-soaked tarmac.
After 2 rounds, we went for a short walk past the many booths set-up by the side. There was a Yokohama tyre stall and obviously a few for the main sponsors Pennzoil. It was the sight of 2 sexy models which made me decide to hang around the booth a little longer. We stood there watching a bunch of kids play musical chairs until it ended (although the attraction certainly wasn't that!). Then, we were surprisingly called onto the tiny stage to take part in a game with another 8 people. We were split into pairs and told to place a can of Pennzoil oil between our heads and keep it there hands-free while doing the 'joget'! Needless to say, we failed miserably but it was good fun.
After taking photos and chatting with the models, we hung around waiting for the announcement of the results. My student didn't win but it was a good learning experience for him. I guess he was a bit downhearted but I'm sure he'll be back next year, stronger and wiser. As for me, I'll be back next year as well, dressed better and smelling nicer!
The consolation prize for my 'Do the Joget with Pennzoil' actTuesday 4 November 2008
Time After Time
Time after time, my nerves start to shake, my nights become sleepless and my mind can't seem to focus. Everytime I have to say "goodbye", I become a nervous wreck. So much so that my students have to tell me, "Don't be so kan cheong."
I spent the past few nights preparing for tonight's class... just as I prepared for my previous 2 classes. Every year as November nears, I find myself having so much to do and so little time to do them. I guess I can never do enough for my students. I always want to do so much more.
As it was with the previous 2 classes, I was late for tonight's graduation. Every year... somehow, this happens. No matter how much I prepare in advance, I never seem to have enough time on that day. I guess it's also because part of me is reluctant to go to class because I know exactly what it means - goodbye.
I'm a strange character. The nights before the final class arrives, I will get so emotional and cry in my room. However, when the day comes, I'm the coolest person around. I remember last year's graduation when a few of my students cried and yet I stood steady as a rock. I can't understand that part about me. Being the emotional person that I am, I should be crying the moment I step into class. I guess I have to somehow force myself to be strong in front of my students. As a teacher, I can never let them see me cry.
I stayed behind long after class was over at 10:30. I washed the cups and plates, wiped the tables, cleaned the floor, threw away the rubbish... and I was happy to do it all. By the time I was done, it was almost 11:30 but I still didn't want to go home. I stood in my class staring at all the empty tables and chairs, knowing that my students will never take their places there again. It seemed like the perfect moment to cry but I held it in. I hadn't had my dinner and was going to meet my student later. So, I walked out and closed up the center at 12:12am.
It was strange seeing my student so soon after saying "goodbye" and he did ask me how I felt when he came into the car. Of course I told him I was sad but other than that, I really didn't know what to say. We had our meal and talked about a lot of things but we didn't stay out long.
After dropping him off at his house, I turned up the music and sped away. Throughout the short journey home, I saw nothing in front of me. My mind was blank and I just stared into space. The moment I drove my car into the porch and stopped the engine, it started... the tears... slowly one by one... and then, without warning, in one big wave, it came bursting out. I remember the last time I cried like this... it was 2 years ago when my girlfriend left me. It's a feeling I don't want to remember but tonight I did. Tonight, I felt pain in my heart - pain I had not felt in a long, long time.
As the tears began to slow down, I reached for my phone in my pocket. I looked through my phone messages and read a text from my student. I smiled as a tear touched my lips - she wrote, "... dun b sad because it is over, b happy because it happened..."
I looked up into the millions of tiny tears shining in the silent sky and knew she was right. Our time together should be celebrated. Our time together should be cherished and we should be happy because we've created a friendship that will last... time after time...
After the darkness has turned to grey...
I spent the past few nights preparing for tonight's class... just as I prepared for my previous 2 classes. Every year as November nears, I find myself having so much to do and so little time to do them. I guess I can never do enough for my students. I always want to do so much more.
As it was with the previous 2 classes, I was late for tonight's graduation. Every year... somehow, this happens. No matter how much I prepare in advance, I never seem to have enough time on that day. I guess it's also because part of me is reluctant to go to class because I know exactly what it means - goodbye.
I'm a strange character. The nights before the final class arrives, I will get so emotional and cry in my room. However, when the day comes, I'm the coolest person around. I remember last year's graduation when a few of my students cried and yet I stood steady as a rock. I can't understand that part about me. Being the emotional person that I am, I should be crying the moment I step into class. I guess I have to somehow force myself to be strong in front of my students. As a teacher, I can never let them see me cry.
I stayed behind long after class was over at 10:30. I washed the cups and plates, wiped the tables, cleaned the floor, threw away the rubbish... and I was happy to do it all. By the time I was done, it was almost 11:30 but I still didn't want to go home. I stood in my class staring at all the empty tables and chairs, knowing that my students will never take their places there again. It seemed like the perfect moment to cry but I held it in. I hadn't had my dinner and was going to meet my student later. So, I walked out and closed up the center at 12:12am.
It was strange seeing my student so soon after saying "goodbye" and he did ask me how I felt when he came into the car. Of course I told him I was sad but other than that, I really didn't know what to say. We had our meal and talked about a lot of things but we didn't stay out long.
After dropping him off at his house, I turned up the music and sped away. Throughout the short journey home, I saw nothing in front of me. My mind was blank and I just stared into space. The moment I drove my car into the porch and stopped the engine, it started... the tears... slowly one by one... and then, without warning, in one big wave, it came bursting out. I remember the last time I cried like this... it was 2 years ago when my girlfriend left me. It's a feeling I don't want to remember but tonight I did. Tonight, I felt pain in my heart - pain I had not felt in a long, long time.
As the tears began to slow down, I reached for my phone in my pocket. I looked through my phone messages and read a text from my student. I smiled as a tear touched my lips - she wrote, "... dun b sad because it is over, b happy because it happened..."
I looked up into the millions of tiny tears shining in the silent sky and knew she was right. Our time together should be celebrated. Our time together should be cherished and we should be happy because we've created a friendship that will last... time after time...
After the darkness has turned to grey...
Friday 31 October 2008
Graduation Days And Farewell Nights
I had the privilege of attending my students' Graduation Day in their school today. In a way, I could also say that I was going for my own. You see, my school never organised such extravagant and fun activities when we graduated. Nope, we just had our own little class party, which we had to organise ourselves and it was 'Bye bye' til we meet again for SPM. So, this was something which has been missing from my life for quite some time now. Well, not anymore!
The moment I walked past the gates, it felt like a homecoming. It was "Hey, how are you?" and "Wah, long time no see!" and "Wow, look at you! All grown up!" For some reason, I seem to have a million students and ex-students from this school. So much so that I looked more like a school teacher rather than an outsider (some even said I looked more like a student. Ha!).
The hall was three-quarters full with mostly fifth formers dressed in their respective custom made class t-shirts. (That's another thing I never had. Damn! I'm jealous!) Students representing their class took to the stage to give their final performance, ranging from hip-hop dances to group singing. I was happily sitting with my "classmates", enjoying the show while recording some of it on video. Some of the guys cheekily suggested that some girls were checking me out. Ha! (and that's the reason why I'm still single?)
The final performance signalled a flurry of flashes as students rushed to snap photos with their friends. I was lucky enough to be one of them. By 1pm, I had said all my 'goodbye's and left for lunch with two of my "classmates". A day to remember but I didn't have too much time to dwell on that.
Tonight would be my 2nd "Farewell" with another of my classes. Considering I just said "farewell" to one of my classes yesterday, the timing couldn't have been more emotionally draining. It's hard to say how I feel as I go through the course of preparing for my class graduations. On one hand, I feel excited preparing for them. On the other hand, I'm reluctant to complete the task.
Each class gives me a different feeling but they're all special in their own way. I don't like to say which class is better but the truth is, different students react differently to my teaching approach. Some like it, some don't. Still, it's most of them who enjoy my classes, so I let them go knowing I've done my best as a teacher; and as a friend. Tonight's group included some who are special to me as they have been with me for the past 5 years. Seeing them grow from boys to men is an unbelievable feeling. It's hard to beat that.
Of course, 5 years would mean nothing if our relationship was passive. It's the effort from both sides that makes the relationship grow. In light of this, yesterday's group of students deserve special mention as I have only been with them for 7 months but our relationship has sky-rocketed to the level of some of my oldest students. My only regret is that I can no longer spend as much time with them as I have all this while...
Dear Blog,
At times like this... when tears form in my eyes and only these 4 walls can see... I'm glad I have you...
The moment I walked past the gates, it felt like a homecoming. It was "Hey, how are you?" and "Wah, long time no see!" and "Wow, look at you! All grown up!" For some reason, I seem to have a million students and ex-students from this school. So much so that I looked more like a school teacher rather than an outsider (some even said I looked more like a student. Ha!).
The hall was three-quarters full with mostly fifth formers dressed in their respective custom made class t-shirts. (That's another thing I never had. Damn! I'm jealous!) Students representing their class took to the stage to give their final performance, ranging from hip-hop dances to group singing. I was happily sitting with my "classmates", enjoying the show while recording some of it on video. Some of the guys cheekily suggested that some girls were checking me out. Ha! (and that's the reason why I'm still single?)
The final performance signalled a flurry of flashes as students rushed to snap photos with their friends. I was lucky enough to be one of them. By 1pm, I had said all my 'goodbye's and left for lunch with two of my "classmates". A day to remember but I didn't have too much time to dwell on that.
Tonight would be my 2nd "Farewell" with another of my classes. Considering I just said "farewell" to one of my classes yesterday, the timing couldn't have been more emotionally draining. It's hard to say how I feel as I go through the course of preparing for my class graduations. On one hand, I feel excited preparing for them. On the other hand, I'm reluctant to complete the task.
Each class gives me a different feeling but they're all special in their own way. I don't like to say which class is better but the truth is, different students react differently to my teaching approach. Some like it, some don't. Still, it's most of them who enjoy my classes, so I let them go knowing I've done my best as a teacher; and as a friend. Tonight's group included some who are special to me as they have been with me for the past 5 years. Seeing them grow from boys to men is an unbelievable feeling. It's hard to beat that.
Of course, 5 years would mean nothing if our relationship was passive. It's the effort from both sides that makes the relationship grow. In light of this, yesterday's group of students deserve special mention as I have only been with them for 7 months but our relationship has sky-rocketed to the level of some of my oldest students. My only regret is that I can no longer spend as much time with them as I have all this while...
Dear Blog,
At times like this... when tears form in my eyes and only these 4 walls can see... I'm glad I have you...
Wednesday 29 October 2008
The Silence After The Sound
I had my last extra class with my students today. Next week will be our last. As they had not been going to school for the past few days, it was natural that they were happy to meet up and chatted away during the lesson. It got quite noisy and distracting at one point so I had to tell them to keep quiet... and not just once but a few times. Was I angry? No... somehow, I just can't bring myself to get angry with this class. In fact, I find it hard to get angry with all my older classes. I guess I love them too much to want to spoil the fun of learning. Besides, they know how to behave themselves (well, most of the time anyway).
My thoughts then flew to all the 'last classes' I would be teaching this week and next. Tomorrow, I will be saying my first 'goodbye' and I don't even know how to begin...
Back in the room, it was time to say 'goodbye' and as I said, "See you next week" to each of them, the sound followed them out the door, one by one. Soon... all was left was just my bag, myself and the silence. I paused a moment to look around the class... staring at the silence... I felt so reluctant to go out the door. 'At least, they'll be back again next week' I consoled myself.
By the time next week comes, I won't be able to say the same.
My thoughts then flew to all the 'last classes' I would be teaching this week and next. Tomorrow, I will be saying my first 'goodbye' and I don't even know how to begin...
Back in the room, it was time to say 'goodbye' and as I said, "See you next week" to each of them, the sound followed them out the door, one by one. Soon... all was left was just my bag, myself and the silence. I paused a moment to look around the class... staring at the silence... I felt so reluctant to go out the door. 'At least, they'll be back again next week' I consoled myself.
By the time next week comes, I won't be able to say the same.
Friday 24 October 2008
A Magician Who's Lost His Magic Touch?
I couldn't wait to get my hands on Jay's latest album, Capricorn but wait, I had to. I've been busy marking essays and preparing the final lessons for my Form 5 classes these past few weeks. So, I was glad I finally had the time to visit my local cd seller and get a copy.
I inserted the cd into the player as soon as I got into the car and was immediately hooked onto the fast crunching sounds of 'Long Zhan Qi Shi'. It was a tune that was at once familiar yet new - a signature Jay Chou song.
Back in my room, I continued listening to the cd over and over again on my computer. It was a strange musical journey. Some songs, especially the ballads, were easy on the ear but some others were weird and incomprehensible. The track listing was such that a nice song and an odd-sounding one played alternately. So, it was a somewhat unsatisfying listen. Songs such as 'Mo Shu Xian Sheng' and 'Qiao Ke Shu Shu' were quite awful and didn't warrant a second listen. It wasn't until I ripped the cd onto my computer and put my favourite songs in order that the musical journey became satisfyting.
Some have complained that his musical style has hardly changed in recent years. To me, if you're comfortable doing something you like and it's still good, there's really no need to change anything. Of course, there's the view that you need to constantly challenge yourself to improve and move forward but then, there's also the widely held mantra of 'Don't fix what's not broken'. On this one, I'm with the latter.
Getting some feedback from fans and other music enthusiasts alike, it seems most agree that while still considered 'good', 'Capricorn' pales in comparison to 'On The Run' (and indeed many of his previous albums). However, I think it's still too early to judge Jay's ninth album. As my students and I neared the end of our casual discussion, it was clear that his songs seem to grow on you the more you listen to it. Still in my room with the songs repeating for the 29th time, I find myself swaying and singing along... maybe Jay's still got the magic touch afterall.
Recommended Tracks:
Long Zhan Qi Shi, Gei Wo Yi Shou Ge De Shi Jian, Hua Hai, Shi Guang Ji, Dao Xiang, Shuo Hao De Xing Fu Ne
I inserted the cd into the player as soon as I got into the car and was immediately hooked onto the fast crunching sounds of 'Long Zhan Qi Shi'. It was a tune that was at once familiar yet new - a signature Jay Chou song.
Back in my room, I continued listening to the cd over and over again on my computer. It was a strange musical journey. Some songs, especially the ballads, were easy on the ear but some others were weird and incomprehensible. The track listing was such that a nice song and an odd-sounding one played alternately. So, it was a somewhat unsatisfying listen. Songs such as 'Mo Shu Xian Sheng' and 'Qiao Ke Shu Shu' were quite awful and didn't warrant a second listen. It wasn't until I ripped the cd onto my computer and put my favourite songs in order that the musical journey became satisfyting.
Some have complained that his musical style has hardly changed in recent years. To me, if you're comfortable doing something you like and it's still good, there's really no need to change anything. Of course, there's the view that you need to constantly challenge yourself to improve and move forward but then, there's also the widely held mantra of 'Don't fix what's not broken'. On this one, I'm with the latter.
Getting some feedback from fans and other music enthusiasts alike, it seems most agree that while still considered 'good', 'Capricorn' pales in comparison to 'On The Run' (and indeed many of his previous albums). However, I think it's still too early to judge Jay's ninth album. As my students and I neared the end of our casual discussion, it was clear that his songs seem to grow on you the more you listen to it. Still in my room with the songs repeating for the 29th time, I find myself swaying and singing along... maybe Jay's still got the magic touch afterall.
Recommended Tracks:
Long Zhan Qi Shi, Gei Wo Yi Shou Ge De Shi Jian, Hua Hai, Shi Guang Ji, Dao Xiang, Shuo Hao De Xing Fu Ne
Friday 17 October 2008
She Stole My Sushi
I was thinking of having some pasta for dinner yesterday when I caught sight of a long line outside Sushi King. So, being curious especially when it comes to food, I walked up to see what was going on. It just so happened to be the last day of the 'RM 2 Per Plate Sushi Promotion' and so, without hesitation, I got myself a seat in front of the sushi counter. The place was packed with unsurprisingly, Chinese customers. I'm not sure if anyone has noticed but most Japanese restaurants boast a high number of Chinese customers. Well, at least more compared to Malays and Indians. Maybe it's a cultural thing.
Anyway... so I sat there, gazing at the 'kaiten' to see what was being offered. I started off with 'unagi sushi' and continued with a different type each round. I was content to sit and wait as the plates of sushi made their way past me... that was until the new items were brought out to the sushi counter in front of me. Before I could even take a peek at what was being offered, I found my view blocked by a crowd of on-rushing people, squeezing their way past each other. While they did not push and shove, I found it annoying enough to spoil my mood.
Worse was to follow. As soon as the fresh sushi plates were put down on the 'kaiten', greedy hands sprung out from all around me, grabbing at the plates. I was helpless and disgusted in the midst of all this and really felt like telling them off.
I decided to wait for one last dish before pulling myself out of this mad house and it duly arrived. It was one of my favourites - 'ebi tempura sushi'. This time, the staff were smarter and placed the plates on hand-held trays so they could distribute them fairly to the other tables away from the 'kaiten'. I gave a wry smile as I waited for the arrival of my prized prawns but my joy turned to horror as the crowd swarmed towards the waitress and grabbed the sushi plates off her tray! This went on despite the waitress hopelessly saying,
"Tak boleh ambil ni!"
I nearly lost it when I stared at a Chinese office lady who was one of those idiots but she turned her head away and walked past me with the plate of sushi in her hand as if it was the most natural thing to do! Well, natural if you've not eaten for a week or you've never seen sushi in your whole life. B***h!
Thank goodness one of the waitresses recognised me as a regular at this chain and personally hand-delivered a plate of my prized prawns to me. After having a final sip of 'ocha', I got off my seat nonchalantly and went to the counter to pay. I said, "Arigato" and "Oyasumi" and walked out but not before I gave one last stare at the B***h. Ooh... I felt like slapping her then... but I shrugged it off in the end. Idiots aren't worth my time.
I left the place wondering if this sort of uncouth social behaviour was the trademark of Malaysians in general or just simply the Chinese. Maybe it's a cultural thing.
Anyway... so I sat there, gazing at the 'kaiten' to see what was being offered. I started off with 'unagi sushi' and continued with a different type each round. I was content to sit and wait as the plates of sushi made their way past me... that was until the new items were brought out to the sushi counter in front of me. Before I could even take a peek at what was being offered, I found my view blocked by a crowd of on-rushing people, squeezing their way past each other. While they did not push and shove, I found it annoying enough to spoil my mood.
Worse was to follow. As soon as the fresh sushi plates were put down on the 'kaiten', greedy hands sprung out from all around me, grabbing at the plates. I was helpless and disgusted in the midst of all this and really felt like telling them off.
I decided to wait for one last dish before pulling myself out of this mad house and it duly arrived. It was one of my favourites - 'ebi tempura sushi'. This time, the staff were smarter and placed the plates on hand-held trays so they could distribute them fairly to the other tables away from the 'kaiten'. I gave a wry smile as I waited for the arrival of my prized prawns but my joy turned to horror as the crowd swarmed towards the waitress and grabbed the sushi plates off her tray! This went on despite the waitress hopelessly saying,
"Tak boleh ambil ni!"
I nearly lost it when I stared at a Chinese office lady who was one of those idiots but she turned her head away and walked past me with the plate of sushi in her hand as if it was the most natural thing to do! Well, natural if you've not eaten for a week or you've never seen sushi in your whole life. B***h!
Thank goodness one of the waitresses recognised me as a regular at this chain and personally hand-delivered a plate of my prized prawns to me. After having a final sip of 'ocha', I got off my seat nonchalantly and went to the counter to pay. I said, "Arigato" and "Oyasumi" and walked out but not before I gave one last stare at the B***h. Ooh... I felt like slapping her then... but I shrugged it off in the end. Idiots aren't worth my time.
I left the place wondering if this sort of uncouth social behaviour was the trademark of Malaysians in general or just simply the Chinese. Maybe it's a cultural thing.
Sunday 12 October 2008
Music Makes My Heart Go "Mmm..."
xie yi xou jian dan de ge, rang ni de xing cing kuai le...
Wang Lee-Hom couldn't have sung it better. How true it is that some people say, 'music is the food of the soul'. Just a simple song or a tune can overturn the most complicated and wretched feeling. I certainly believe in the power of music - it just happened to me today.
As I sat there singing my heart out into the microphone, I could feel the worries that had eaten into me, slowly being eaten away by the music. What was left of me after belting out one favourite after another was pure joy and ecstasy. A feeling of having the heaviest boulder lifted off my shoulders. Truly, the magic of music never fails to astound me.
Of course, it wasn't just the music alone but also the company; and what company it was! 3 cheerful and adorable girls accompanied me as I sang but I was not the star of course. That belonged to the birthday girl.
People who know me might gawk at the fact that I'm spending my Sunday evening singing karaoke with a trio of teenage girls when I'm already way past my teenhood. But the thing is, I feel every bit like a teen. When I say this, some might go,
"Please lah... you're already blah blah blah... can you start acting your age?"
And I never know how to reply to that because I'm acting exactly my age! Afterall, how do you act your age anyway? Is age based on the year printed on your I.C. or the year imprinted in your heart? Well, I certainly feel it's the latter and I couldn't be more honest about it than I already am! =)
Wang Lee-Hom couldn't have sung it better. How true it is that some people say, 'music is the food of the soul'. Just a simple song or a tune can overturn the most complicated and wretched feeling. I certainly believe in the power of music - it just happened to me today.
As I sat there singing my heart out into the microphone, I could feel the worries that had eaten into me, slowly being eaten away by the music. What was left of me after belting out one favourite after another was pure joy and ecstasy. A feeling of having the heaviest boulder lifted off my shoulders. Truly, the magic of music never fails to astound me.
Of course, it wasn't just the music alone but also the company; and what company it was! 3 cheerful and adorable girls accompanied me as I sang but I was not the star of course. That belonged to the birthday girl.
People who know me might gawk at the fact that I'm spending my Sunday evening singing karaoke with a trio of teenage girls when I'm already way past my teenhood. But the thing is, I feel every bit like a teen. When I say this, some might go,
"Please lah... you're already blah blah blah... can you start acting your age?"
And I never know how to reply to that because I'm acting exactly my age! Afterall, how do you act your age anyway? Is age based on the year printed on your I.C. or the year imprinted in your heart? Well, I certainly feel it's the latter and I couldn't be more honest about it than I already am! =)
Wednesday 8 October 2008
Chains Around My Heart
It's been a rather disheartening week. The latest results from my students' essays have not been good. Only a few have given me a glimmer of hope that they can score the elusive 'A'. While I had already expected their results to be average by Cambridge's standards, I surely didn't expect their essays to fare so poorly.
As I returned from a briefing on essay grading, my mind was burdened with countless thoughts and questions. Inside, my heart was being eaten away by worries that seemed unending. What have I done wrong? Did I use the correct approach? Have I failed as a teacher...?
I then went on a mad shopping spree, hoping to wash away the frustration and worry inside me, much like how the rain had washed the dirt off my car. I'm such a girl I know... but it's the only remedy I know.
When I returned to my class after that episode, the chains in my heart seemed to tighten further. Looking into my students' eyes, the chains weighed like rocks. It was so hard for me to break the bad news but I had to. Seeing their shocked and worried expressions pained me further but they encouraged me to go on. In their own way, they made me feel much better about myself.
By the end of the class, the chains around my heart had loosened and weighed nothing more than pebbles. This bunch of students - they're really something. What would I do without them? With less than a month before they leave, it's really time I start thinking about what I must do without them...
As I returned from a briefing on essay grading, my mind was burdened with countless thoughts and questions. Inside, my heart was being eaten away by worries that seemed unending. What have I done wrong? Did I use the correct approach? Have I failed as a teacher...?
I then went on a mad shopping spree, hoping to wash away the frustration and worry inside me, much like how the rain had washed the dirt off my car. I'm such a girl I know... but it's the only remedy I know.
When I returned to my class after that episode, the chains in my heart seemed to tighten further. Looking into my students' eyes, the chains weighed like rocks. It was so hard for me to break the bad news but I had to. Seeing their shocked and worried expressions pained me further but they encouraged me to go on. In their own way, they made me feel much better about myself.
By the end of the class, the chains around my heart had loosened and weighed nothing more than pebbles. This bunch of students - they're really something. What would I do without them? With less than a month before they leave, it's really time I start thinking about what I must do without them...
Wednesday 24 September 2008
Goodbye For Now
I said my first 'goodbye' to my Form 3 students tonight. There'll be 2 more coming up. Phew!
Every year, I have to gather up my courage and strength to do what I feel is one of the hardest things in life - saying 'goodbye' (the other being 'letting go'). While the latter would more aptly describe a parent's biggest worry, sometimes, being a teacher is also like being a parent. We teach, guide, nurture, discipline... listen... comfort... things that most caring parents would do for their children.
While I've yet to experience being a parent, I can imagine how much harder that would be. Afterall, parents have to find some way of letting go of their children, having looked after them for a quarter of their lives.
As teachers, we're not as privileged as most parents are, having only 5 years at most to 'look after' our students. Still, that's not to say the process of 'letting go' for teachers is any easier. For one such as myself... it's extremely hard.
So, as I faced my class of bright-eyed 15-year-olds tonight, I tried my best to console myself of the fact that we might see each other again next year. Though I can't expect all of them to return, the possibility of it still gives me hope... and I guess that's what made it a little easier for me this time. In previous years, I would have gone straight into my car and sobbed right after. Tonight, I managed to even smile to myself as I recalled the good times we've had... and as I drove off, something deep inside told me it would just be 'goodbye for now'.
_____________________________________________________
"I'm only your teacher as long as you're my student; I'm only your friend as long as you're mine."
Every year, I have to gather up my courage and strength to do what I feel is one of the hardest things in life - saying 'goodbye' (the other being 'letting go'). While the latter would more aptly describe a parent's biggest worry, sometimes, being a teacher is also like being a parent. We teach, guide, nurture, discipline... listen... comfort... things that most caring parents would do for their children.
While I've yet to experience being a parent, I can imagine how much harder that would be. Afterall, parents have to find some way of letting go of their children, having looked after them for a quarter of their lives.
As teachers, we're not as privileged as most parents are, having only 5 years at most to 'look after' our students. Still, that's not to say the process of 'letting go' for teachers is any easier. For one such as myself... it's extremely hard.
So, as I faced my class of bright-eyed 15-year-olds tonight, I tried my best to console myself of the fact that we might see each other again next year. Though I can't expect all of them to return, the possibility of it still gives me hope... and I guess that's what made it a little easier for me this time. In previous years, I would have gone straight into my car and sobbed right after. Tonight, I managed to even smile to myself as I recalled the good times we've had... and as I drove off, something deep inside told me it would just be 'goodbye for now'.
_____________________________________________________
"I'm only your teacher as long as you're my student; I'm only your friend as long as you're mine."
Friday 19 September 2008
Let Me Be Here Forever
The past few weeks have been difficult for me... my situation has been awkward, uncomfortable and somewhat depressing to see... sometimes all at once they devour me....
It happens every time I step into my Form 5 classes... it happens when I see their smiling faces...
it happens when they leave me staring at empty spaces...
The next few weeks will be our last together... Tuesday and Friday nights will change forever... our classroom ties unwillingly I'll have to sever...
It's happened before, this dreaded time of year... which I cautiously approach with fear... Living day to day, silently fighting tears that appear...
But what can I do but accept this fate? This feeling of joy I find no way to replicate... a feeling that leaves me floating in a helpless state...
Let me lose this feeling, never... let me feel like this, rain or sunny weather... let me be here forever...
___________________________________________________
"Let the wind take me to our special place... let it carry me on its shoulders to the place where eternity will embrace... to the garden of laughter and music where I'll forever see your face..."
It happens every time I step into my Form 5 classes... it happens when I see their smiling faces...
it happens when they leave me staring at empty spaces...
The next few weeks will be our last together... Tuesday and Friday nights will change forever... our classroom ties unwillingly I'll have to sever...
It's happened before, this dreaded time of year... which I cautiously approach with fear... Living day to day, silently fighting tears that appear...
But what can I do but accept this fate? This feeling of joy I find no way to replicate... a feeling that leaves me floating in a helpless state...
Let me lose this feeling, never... let me feel like this, rain or sunny weather... let me be here forever...
___________________________________________________
"Let the wind take me to our special place... let it carry me on its shoulders to the place where eternity will embrace... to the garden of laughter and music where I'll forever see your face..."
Tuesday 16 September 2008
Birth Of A Nation
Today is 16th September... the day our nation united under one name... 45 years ago. On this day, Sabah, Sarawak and Singapore joined Peninsula Malaya to form the Malaysian Federation and with exception to Singapore, we have remained thus eversince.
Let's not delve into the recent political turmoil plaguing our country. Rather, I prefer to focus on celebrating the fact that we have been largely at peace with one another, despite the strong undercurrents of resentment among certain quarters.
I wish this country will improve, develop and progress... not just in physical terms but more so in human terms. Afterall, it is the people who make this land a nation.
Two days ago, the Chinese community celebrated Mooncake Festival. I duly joined in of course and had dinner with my extended family. When the mooncakes were passed around, some of us were amused by the modern versions of our traditional mooncakes. From the humble red bean to the Toffee Chocolate Walnut Brownie melting in my mouth, it became clear to me that this was also how our nation has evolved. We are not just Malays, Chinese, Indians, Bengalis, Melanau, Kadazandusun, Ibani... we are Malaysians. We are a 'rojak' nation - just like this new twist to the traditional mooncake.
So, to everyone who calls herself or himself a 'true Anak Malaysia' - Happy Birthday! =)
Let's not delve into the recent political turmoil plaguing our country. Rather, I prefer to focus on celebrating the fact that we have been largely at peace with one another, despite the strong undercurrents of resentment among certain quarters.
I wish this country will improve, develop and progress... not just in physical terms but more so in human terms. Afterall, it is the people who make this land a nation.
Two days ago, the Chinese community celebrated Mooncake Festival. I duly joined in of course and had dinner with my extended family. When the mooncakes were passed around, some of us were amused by the modern versions of our traditional mooncakes. From the humble red bean to the Toffee Chocolate Walnut Brownie melting in my mouth, it became clear to me that this was also how our nation has evolved. We are not just Malays, Chinese, Indians, Bengalis, Melanau, Kadazandusun, Ibani... we are Malaysians. We are a 'rojak' nation - just like this new twist to the traditional mooncake.
So, to everyone who calls herself or himself a 'true Anak Malaysia' - Happy Birthday! =)
Friday 29 August 2008
Rainbow
I had a tough time in class this morning. First, I was bombarded by my young students for being old and forgetful. They had every right. Last week, I promised to bring their project materials for their presentation this morning and this week, I somehow forgot. If there's one thing I hate, it's promising something and then not delivering upon that promise. I've been doing that more often than I like lately... perhaps age is really catching up with me? Perhaps I'm not as young as I'd like to think I am?
They then teased me, saying that I should be getting married at my age and asked why am I still single? (I just happen to have three weddings in a row lined up in the coming weeks) Bang! Second bullet straight into my heart. Not my favourite topic in recent weeks since I've been feeling that ugly loneliness starting to creep in again.
The day just got worse as I was further accused by my students of being somewhat "perverted". For those who have never been in my class, they might be shocked at how my students treat me. For those who have, they perfectly understand that I develop a close relationship with my students... to the point they feel absolutely free to say whatever they like, no matter how disrespectful it may seem. Am I offended? On other days, I'm usually not. But this was something different. Sure, they were joking with me but I treat this as more than a joke. I'm not bothered about how others see me but I AM very much bothered by what my students think of me. They mean a lot to me and if this is truly what they think of me, then I am truly saddened to the point of being devastated.
I face a variety of students in my week. Some classes give me joy while some just drive me up the wall! And some classes make me feel totally at ease and contented to be doing what I do. These classes are few and far between and the time spent with these students are the highlight of my week. It's like catching a glimpse of the rainbow after the rain has faded into the big blue sky. If I no longer have that rainbow up in the sky... what else is left for me to look forward to?
They then teased me, saying that I should be getting married at my age and asked why am I still single? (I just happen to have three weddings in a row lined up in the coming weeks) Bang! Second bullet straight into my heart. Not my favourite topic in recent weeks since I've been feeling that ugly loneliness starting to creep in again.
The day just got worse as I was further accused by my students of being somewhat "perverted". For those who have never been in my class, they might be shocked at how my students treat me. For those who have, they perfectly understand that I develop a close relationship with my students... to the point they feel absolutely free to say whatever they like, no matter how disrespectful it may seem. Am I offended? On other days, I'm usually not. But this was something different. Sure, they were joking with me but I treat this as more than a joke. I'm not bothered about how others see me but I AM very much bothered by what my students think of me. They mean a lot to me and if this is truly what they think of me, then I am truly saddened to the point of being devastated.
I face a variety of students in my week. Some classes give me joy while some just drive me up the wall! And some classes make me feel totally at ease and contented to be doing what I do. These classes are few and far between and the time spent with these students are the highlight of my week. It's like catching a glimpse of the rainbow after the rain has faded into the big blue sky. If I no longer have that rainbow up in the sky... what else is left for me to look forward to?
Saturday 9 August 2008
A Smile On Sunday
It's not the norm for me to wake up early on Sunday. Then again, it's never the norm for me to wake up early on ANY day. I'm a night person and if I were rich and had advanced technology at my disposal, I'd be The Dark Knight (anybody want to sponsor me?).
Today, however, was one of those special days. A day where I would be able to go back to 'school'. Canteen Day - Ahh... the good old days. And so, I was up by 9 (which is still too early for me) and got into my jeans and T, coupons in hand. Once I got there, my eyes caught sight of the bustling activities among stalls and my ears were welcomed with the loud thumping of the latest Chinese pop hits. I immediately got into my groove. It's funny how at my age, I still seem to 'fit in' with the crowd. Haha!
I strolled from one stall to the next, taking a peep into what interesting (or bland) dishes students these days can cook up. Some were obviously your run-of-the-mill burgers and fishballs on sticks but there were some with a touch of creativity, such as one of my student's sandwich rolls. It was an interesting take on the age-old sandwich in the form of sushi rolls. I also had a popiah which exceeded my expectations. I usually don't expect much in terms of food quality when it comes to Canteen Days but this caught me by surprise!
But what would a trip back to school be without running into one of my students? Pleased to say, I ran into quite a few and I was absolutely delighted. Some were my current students and some were my former. Regardless of whichever one, I'm always happy to see them and spend some time with them. Some are even surprised that I would be there at all. Seeing a smile on their faces truly puts one on my face as well.
The only thing that somewhat dims my day is when students don't seem eager to see me (am I that scary?). In most cases, I'm usually the one who's so enthused to see them, going on and on about how long it's been and all they can muster is a 'Yeah... mmm... yeah..." and a faint nod. Maybe they're shy? But that would be lying to myself, cause I can certainly tell if someone is happy to see me or not. It's a shame really... to think that after all the effort I put into my teaching, I can't even get a smile on Sunday.
Today, however, was one of those special days. A day where I would be able to go back to 'school'. Canteen Day - Ahh... the good old days. And so, I was up by 9 (which is still too early for me) and got into my jeans and T, coupons in hand. Once I got there, my eyes caught sight of the bustling activities among stalls and my ears were welcomed with the loud thumping of the latest Chinese pop hits. I immediately got into my groove. It's funny how at my age, I still seem to 'fit in' with the crowd. Haha!
I strolled from one stall to the next, taking a peep into what interesting (or bland) dishes students these days can cook up. Some were obviously your run-of-the-mill burgers and fishballs on sticks but there were some with a touch of creativity, such as one of my student's sandwich rolls. It was an interesting take on the age-old sandwich in the form of sushi rolls. I also had a popiah which exceeded my expectations. I usually don't expect much in terms of food quality when it comes to Canteen Days but this caught me by surprise!
But what would a trip back to school be without running into one of my students? Pleased to say, I ran into quite a few and I was absolutely delighted. Some were my current students and some were my former. Regardless of whichever one, I'm always happy to see them and spend some time with them. Some are even surprised that I would be there at all. Seeing a smile on their faces truly puts one on my face as well.
The only thing that somewhat dims my day is when students don't seem eager to see me (am I that scary?). In most cases, I'm usually the one who's so enthused to see them, going on and on about how long it's been and all they can muster is a 'Yeah... mmm... yeah..." and a faint nod. Maybe they're shy? But that would be lying to myself, cause I can certainly tell if someone is happy to see me or not. It's a shame really... to think that after all the effort I put into my teaching, I can't even get a smile on Sunday.
Wednesday 9 July 2008
Growing Pains
Growing Pains was one of my favourite sitcoms back in the 80's. It was a time of teenage discovery and maturity. Life was exciting and fun! I was a young boy and loving it!
Nearly 20 years on... Growing Pains is no longer on TV but I'm still discovering a lot of new things about adulthood and still maturing every step of the way. Life is still exciting and fun... except that I'm no longer a young boy. But here's the problem - deep inside, I still feel like a young boy and I still act like one! Haha!
Unlike most guys my age, I still haven't moved on from my teenage ways. I live a laidback (some would say 'unproductive') life. I'm carefree (some say 'irresponsible') and my life is mostly stress-free (to some, I'm living in Dreamland). So what's wrong with me?
I have to admit, I'm clueless when it comes to financial matters and really need to learn more about making enough money to save for my future. There will be times for emergencies when money will be needed; such as my wedding (IF I ever have one!) and I need to plan for that. I'm thankful I have friends who give me advice, even when it's harsh. Only true friends would go through the awkwardness of 'lecturing' you and I got that right in the face. Thanks guys! LOL! :)
So, another step forward in my learning curve as an adult... but as always, I find that little boy in me crying out, "Gimme a break!", as I look longingly at the cup of Starbucks Ice Tall Chocolate which I've been missing for more than a month...
Sigh... life is a real pain in the ass sometimes... :P
Nearly 20 years on... Growing Pains is no longer on TV but I'm still discovering a lot of new things about adulthood and still maturing every step of the way. Life is still exciting and fun... except that I'm no longer a young boy. But here's the problem - deep inside, I still feel like a young boy and I still act like one! Haha!
Unlike most guys my age, I still haven't moved on from my teenage ways. I live a laidback (some would say 'unproductive') life. I'm carefree (some say 'irresponsible') and my life is mostly stress-free (to some, I'm living in Dreamland). So what's wrong with me?
I have to admit, I'm clueless when it comes to financial matters and really need to learn more about making enough money to save for my future. There will be times for emergencies when money will be needed; such as my wedding (IF I ever have one!) and I need to plan for that. I'm thankful I have friends who give me advice, even when it's harsh. Only true friends would go through the awkwardness of 'lecturing' you and I got that right in the face. Thanks guys! LOL! :)
So, another step forward in my learning curve as an adult... but as always, I find that little boy in me crying out, "Gimme a break!", as I look longingly at the cup of Starbucks Ice Tall Chocolate which I've been missing for more than a month...
Sigh... life is a real pain in the ass sometimes... :P
Wednesday 2 July 2008
Fountains & Waterfalls
There are some days when I have to drag myself to work. For most people, this would be an understatement. For me, well... it's a little different.
I count myself extremely lucky to have a job I love and one which pays enough for my single life. However, there are some classes which I dread going into. The ones where students are talking and shouting and fooling around, having almost no interest in learning at all. I wouldn't be complaining if I was the kind of teacher who reads straight from the book, in a monotonous tone that puts even an owl at night to sleep. I'm not. I put in effort to make lessons interesting, creative, informative and most of all, enjoyable; and yet, some don't pay attention. I give up!
These are my 'waterfall days'... where my whole self just crashes down and I have no mood or energy left to go on...
Then, there are my 'fountain days'... where my whole self rises to a higher plane... where my mood and energy shoots up to its height. Those are the days where I can't wait to get into class to see my wonderful students' faces. What makes these students different? Maturity certainly plays a part but ultimately, it's the fact that they appreciate the work I do for them and they show it on their faces. Nothing beats seeing them having a laugh and enjoying themselves in my class. Knowing that they've learned something useful that day and had fun doing it, is the best present I, as a teacher, could ever ask for!
So, here's to you, my wonderful students... the ones who give me the strength and reason to go on...
I count myself extremely lucky to have a job I love and one which pays enough for my single life. However, there are some classes which I dread going into. The ones where students are talking and shouting and fooling around, having almost no interest in learning at all. I wouldn't be complaining if I was the kind of teacher who reads straight from the book, in a monotonous tone that puts even an owl at night to sleep. I'm not. I put in effort to make lessons interesting, creative, informative and most of all, enjoyable; and yet, some don't pay attention. I give up!
These are my 'waterfall days'... where my whole self just crashes down and I have no mood or energy left to go on...
Then, there are my 'fountain days'... where my whole self rises to a higher plane... where my mood and energy shoots up to its height. Those are the days where I can't wait to get into class to see my wonderful students' faces. What makes these students different? Maturity certainly plays a part but ultimately, it's the fact that they appreciate the work I do for them and they show it on their faces. Nothing beats seeing them having a laugh and enjoying themselves in my class. Knowing that they've learned something useful that day and had fun doing it, is the best present I, as a teacher, could ever ask for!
So, here's to you, my wonderful students... the ones who give me the strength and reason to go on...
Saturday 28 June 2008
You Ask Me Why?
You ask me why I smile
I say it's because of you
Honesty is my style
Yet you don't believe it's true
If you could see what I see in you
Then you will know what I say is true
'Cause if you see what I see in you
Then surely you will be smiling too
(Dedicated to my special ones)
- Caleb Ho @ 8 May 2008
Originally posted on June 15, 2008 at 05:40 AM on What the Blog? (Friendster Blogs)
I say it's because of you
Honesty is my style
Yet you don't believe it's true
If you could see what I see in you
Then you will know what I say is true
'Cause if you see what I see in you
Then surely you will be smiling too
(Dedicated to my special ones)
- Caleb Ho @ 8 May 2008
Originally posted on June 15, 2008 at 05:40 AM on What the Blog? (Friendster Blogs)
Born Into This World
I left the school hall tonight feeling absolutely disgusted and above all, sad and disappointed. No, nothing terrible happened to me... rather, it happened to my students and their friends.
What began as a moment of anticipation at the end of the Talent Competition turned into a moment of tears as the results were announced. My students' group, which performed a fascinating traditional Korean dance infused with modern ballet, had not won any of the 3 prizes on offer. Now, I am not claiming that they were the best performers on the night as I felt the 3rd and 1st prizes were awarded to deserving winners. It was rather the 2nd place winners which shocked me and nearly everyone in the hall. Even if my students' group was not among the best 3 that night, they were certainly better than the 2nd place winners. In fact, there were a few other groups who were certainly better.
While I would like to believe that the judging was fair, the result certainly raises a few questions. It would not be wrong to assume that someone was biased in their judging or had some sort of personal interest in the winners. If neither is the case, then they must be blind!
As a teacher, I am obliged to encourage my students to try their best in all they do. I am also obliged to tell them that as long as they work hard and make honest decisions, their efforts will be rewarded. How then can I continue to tell them so when in reality, what often happens is exactly the opposite?
We are born into a world where the simple laws of hard work and success exist but where injustice often prevails. This was the world I saw that night as I walked out of the hall... unable to offer any form of consolation or comfort to my students. They put their heart into their performance and this world chose to reward them with tears of disappointment and pain.
Can we blame them for not wanting to try?
Originally posted on June 14, 2008 at 01:37 PM on What the Blog? (Friendster Blogs)
What began as a moment of anticipation at the end of the Talent Competition turned into a moment of tears as the results were announced. My students' group, which performed a fascinating traditional Korean dance infused with modern ballet, had not won any of the 3 prizes on offer. Now, I am not claiming that they were the best performers on the night as I felt the 3rd and 1st prizes were awarded to deserving winners. It was rather the 2nd place winners which shocked me and nearly everyone in the hall. Even if my students' group was not among the best 3 that night, they were certainly better than the 2nd place winners. In fact, there were a few other groups who were certainly better.
While I would like to believe that the judging was fair, the result certainly raises a few questions. It would not be wrong to assume that someone was biased in their judging or had some sort of personal interest in the winners. If neither is the case, then they must be blind!
As a teacher, I am obliged to encourage my students to try their best in all they do. I am also obliged to tell them that as long as they work hard and make honest decisions, their efforts will be rewarded. How then can I continue to tell them so when in reality, what often happens is exactly the opposite?
We are born into a world where the simple laws of hard work and success exist but where injustice often prevails. This was the world I saw that night as I walked out of the hall... unable to offer any form of consolation or comfort to my students. They put their heart into their performance and this world chose to reward them with tears of disappointment and pain.
Can we blame them for not wanting to try?
Originally posted on June 14, 2008 at 01:37 PM on What the Blog? (Friendster Blogs)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)