Somewhere In Between

I'm back. Yes, back to blogging more regularly (hopefully), back to Wing Chun after a month-long break and most definitely back in da club. *wink*

It's been a whole year since I last stepped into a club. Last night, I came out of retirement and burned the dance floor. Well, it wasn't a really big fire, not even a flame... perhaps just a tiny spark on the little spot I was dancing on. But nevertheless, I got my groove on and it was good to be back.

A lot of people have misconceptions of why I like to go clubbing but people who know me, know that I go there for one thing alone - dancing! I've been a natural dancer since my kindergarten teacher commented how I could almost move like the late great Michael Jackson. I still remember the song - 'Beat It'. I do not pretend to be the best dancer out there cause I know I'm not even close but what I do know is, I enjoy good music and a good time on the dance floor. It's never been my foremost passion but it definitely is one of my favorite things.

And so, there I was... with a bunch of college teens, on my ex-student's birthday bash. I promised her I would take her clubbing when she reached 18. It's taken more than a year to fulfill that promise but I was there, finally, in my dancing shoes... and it felt like I was coming home. It's funny that the last time I clubbed, which was more than a year ago, was also to fulfill my promise to another ex-student to take her clubbing when she reached 18. I reckon there'll be a few more such promises to be made in the coming years and I'm not complaining.

Clubbing is great fun if done responsibly and this is where people don't get it when I say I go to the club just to dance. For most, it's about drinking (and perhaps getting laid) but not for me. I don't like to drink (never been drunk before) and I hate the smell of smoke, so let's not talk about Marlboros. As for that little matter of getting laid, well, as honest as I already am - I'm not the sort to do that. Not saying I'm an angel or anything. Just saying, that's not my purpose in the club.

Chillin' out after some intense grooving on the dance floor, I watched from the balcony of the club. I saw all those teens jumping about, waving their hands like they just don't care (oh OH! oh OH!) and ladies shaking them asses up on the stage, teasing the guys with every move... and then it hit me - "my little girl", my ex-student, was up there having the time of her life. I mean, I know she's 18 but when I saw her being 18 with my own eyes, it hit me - real hard. She's grown up now. And to jolt my senses further, I ran into another ex-student at the club - this sweet girl I taught when she was just 10 and then from 16 through 17. I looked at her and she's all grown up as well, make up and everything. I guess she was more surprised to see me there than I was to see her there.

And so it hit me - I'm old. Well, I'm not that old but I'm not that young either. Sure, I felt at home, singing and dancing away but there were times when I looked around and saw all those fresh-faced teens jumpin' around, I said to myself, "Man... I'm getting too old for this." But when I get on the dance floor, I realize I'm not that old either cause I've still got my moves. And just to emphasize the fact that I'm really not that old, my ex-student's friends thought I was her college-mate! I'm not pretending to be young - I just feel young and I look young too! (Er-hmm!) So, I end up in this strange place of having been there, done that, yet somehow, I still enjoy reliving that part of my life. But if you asked me if I still have the energy to go on dancing forever like how I used to, then I'll have to admit that I can't anymore. I'm somewhere in between.

As she twirls and sways, her feet moving to the beat, her hair effortlessly flowing in the pounding explosion of rhythm... I see "my little girl" all grown up. I've never been a father before but I can imagine how it feels like. Seeing her there made me happy yet a little reluctantly sad at the same time. She's not a woman yet of course but she's also no longer the little girl who sat down in my class, with her eyes fixed on me as I taught her English and about life... no, she's exactly where I am right now... just somewhere in between.